Friday, January 20, 2012

In a Time of Shadows, Watch the Names With 'K'

"The shadow government is basically a scaled-down version of the one in Washington, with everything necessary to continue critical government operations, including lobbyists, an exact working replica of Dick Cheney, a Starbucks, a five-foot-high Washington monument, and a miniature "congress" made up of gerbils wearing tiny suits who have been trained to hold hearings and authorize the construction of unnecessary highway projects named after Robert C. Byrd.”

Dave Barry, The Miami Herald, April 14, 2002

    After the tragedy of September 11th, 2001, someone of importance announced that there was a shadow government that would replace the elected, constitutional government should an enemy attack wipe it out.  This revelation made headlines.  The American people were not thrilled that there was a secret government operating under cover of the legitimate government.

    I remember when Secretary of State Al Haig announced that he had taken control of the government shortly after President Reagan was shot.  Haig’s coup attempt was more terrifying than the news of the assassination attempt.   

    Call me old fashioned, but I don’t like it when “someone of importance” unilaterally changes the Constitution.

    I have been keeping an eye on Washington DC, and I am now convinced that the shadow government has taken control.  Only recently did I discover how the shadow government is financed.

    The story begins on April 14, 2002.  Dave Barry, the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Miami Herald, published his annual tax advice column.  Mr. Barry pointed out that taxpayers would have to write two checks to the IRS.  One was for taxes due to the legitimate government.  And the other check was for taxes due to the shadow government.

    Mr. Barry, as you know, is a joker extraordinaire.  But I fear that his light-hearted jest gave someone of importance in the Bush administration the idea of funding a secret government with borrowed money.

    I suspect that “someone of importance” was Karl Rove.  I have never trusted people whose names begin with “K.”  Remember Kim Philby, the infamous double agent in Britain’s MI-6?  The Kardashians?  Boris Karloff?  Former WV state treasurer John Kelly?  (He went to prison for extortion.)  Kato Kaelin?  (OJ’s buddy.)

    My paranoia notwithstanding, it is no mere coincidence that Washington DC lobbyists have offices on K Street.

    Karl Rove’s plan to finance the shadow government with borrowed money was devious.  Enacting the PATRIOT Act laid the groundwork for a weak form of martial law.  What better way to hide a shadow government than by wrapping it in the flag?  Authorizing the Pentagon to shoot its way into Afghanistan and Iraq to search for non-existent WMDs got the military out of the way.  Passage of Medicare Part D, however, was the stroke of Machiavellian genius.

    Medicare Part D did two things.  First, it charmed the silver-haired citizenry with a mega-entitlement to pay for their relentless hypochondria.  Then, the huge profits going to Big Pharma were used to hire more lobbyists to persuade the elected government that mind-boggling deficits in medical accounts were good for America.

    The trap was set.  All the shadow government needed was more deficit spending.  But the Republicans, hapless as they are when it comes to deficit spending, had to be gotten out of the way.  Democrats took control of Congress after the mid-term elections of 2006, a power shift that all but guaranteed huge deficits.

    A shadow government needs a leader; it cannot operate by committee.  So the shadow government decided to hire a community organizer, a friendly pie-server if you will.  This made the ascension of Barack Obama from the Democrat-controlled Senate to the White House possible.

    The rest of the story is history.  Budget deficits exploded.  The elected government gave up trying to pass an annual budget. 

    The elected government abdicated its Constitutional duties last year.  Hopelessly deadlocked on every issue, the elected government appointed a committee of six Representatives and six Senators (including Sens. Kyl, R-Ariz., and Kerry, D-Mass.) to strike a deal to raise the debt ceiling and enact some paltry budget cuts by the year 2075.  In the end, this Super Congress could agree on nothing.  The shadow government had won by default.

    Looking forward in 2012, the elected government will remain paralyzed while the shadow government is on autopilot to borrow another $1 trillion before year end.  The national debt recently surpassed annual GDP making the United States look rather third-worldish.

    Who would have thought that a shadow government could take over the country in a mere decade?

    In the wake of the collapse of the legitimate government, I am on guard.  I have become suspicious of people whose names end with “k.”  Dick Cheney, Barack Obama, Chuck Schumer and Barney Frank are just a few whom I’m keeping an eye on.  These “little ks” are sneakier than the big Ks.

Dave Barry's Shadow Government article